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A Very Irish Parable

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  • A Very Irish Parable

    Seanie took over a pub in Ireland - Anglo's Irish Bar.

    In order to increase sales he decided to allow loyal customers - most of whom were unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. He kept track of amounts owed on drinks consumed - effectively granting loans.
    Word got around and increasing numbers of customers flooded into the bar.
    The drink flowed.

    Taking advantage of his customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints Seanie increased prices.
    Turnover increased.
    He extended opening hours.
    Turnover increased even more.
    The drink flowed.

    A customer service consultant at the bank recognized debts as valuable future assets and increased Seanie's borrowing limit time and time again.
    He saw no reason for undue concern since the debts of the alcoholics were plainly there as collateral.
    The drink flowed.

    Taking advantage of his own freedom from immediate payment constraints Seanie extended the pub.
    Turnover continued to increase.
    He bought additional public houses.
    Turnover increased even more.
    The drink flowed.

    At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transformed these customer assets (the debts of the alcoholics) into derivatives which they termed ANGLOALKO bonds.
    These securities were traded on markets worldwide - although on one really understood what they were or how they might be guaranteed.
    The drink flowed.

    Taking advantage of these new sources of capitalisation Seanie built big new pubs in out-of-the-way places.
    Turnover continued to increase.
    Bar staff from all over the world came to work in his pubs.
    Turnover increased even more.
    The drink flowed.

    As the drinkers kept drinking and Anglo kept borrowing and building, their prices continuously climbed thus the bonds became top-selling hot items in the financial world.
    Occasionally a harmless looking old geezer would look in the door of Anglo's Irish Bar, smile, nod and go away.
    He was called D'Regulator to distinguish him from D'Regulars.
    The drink flowed.

    Taking advantage D'Regulator's obvious approval Seanie extended the 'drink now/pay later' business model.
    Turnover continued to increase.
    Diversification into food, hospitality and God knows what other businesses went ahead.
    Turnover increased even more.
    The drink flowed.

    However, the day came when ANGLOALKO prices stopped climbing.
    The bank manager decided to call in payment of Anglo's dues.
    Seanie sought the help of D'Regulars.
    ANGLOALKO fell 95% overnight.
    The drink stopped flowing.

    D'Regulars could not chip in enough to pay the debts.

    Seanie stopped giving out any drink at all.

    Following emergency consultations with 'Interests', Seanie was saved by a Government bail out.

    The funds for this support will be obtained by a tax on all non-drinkers.

    D'Regulator retired and got free drink for life

  • #2
    Re: A Very Irish Parable

    Only in Ireland, right?

    I recall a Bradbury story where it was explained why the Irish always rode their bicycles on the wrong side of the road at night with the lights turned off. It seems there were all these dangerous idiots who were always riding their bicycles on the wrong side of the road with the lights turned off, so the only way to avoid an accident was . . .
    Justice is the cornerstone of the world

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