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Re: To Hair transplant or not?
Maybe this belongs in the Jokes thread. It is an old story from years ago and the topic reminded me of it.
Once upon a time there was a farmer who had a very randy rooster. The rooster wasn’t so bad when he was sober but in the cold evenings the farmer often had a brandy before he went to bed and would also give the rooster a cup. The only trouble was that the rooster would then charge off to the chookhouse, full of brandied libido and screw the hens half to death. The farmer was getting a bit worried about this because in the morning he’d go to the chookhouse and find feathers all over the place and all his hens looking totally plucked. So he told the rooster that he’s going to have to lay off the booze for a while because otherwise the hens are going to be plucked to death. For a few weeks he doesn’t give the rooster any brandy and all is okay.
Eventually the farmer has to go away for a week so he tells the rooster that while he’s away there’s to be no brandy because if he gets back and finds any of his hens plucked to death he’s going to cut the roosters crest off. This is the worst fate to befall a rooster, to be crestless, so the rooster is appropriately chastised. So the farmer goes away.
After a couple of nights the rooster is sitting on the verandah rail of the farmhouse when he notices a bottle of brandy sitting on the table inside and that the window is slightly ajar. Well the rooster is sorely tempted, and even though he takes himself all the way to the other side of the farmyard, he can’t get the sight of this brandy out of his mind. Eventually he thinks to himself ‘just a sip will be okay’. So he goes back to the farmhouse, gets in through the window and has a sip of brandy. This goes down really well and he gets a taste for it. So he thinks “just my usual one glass will be alright” and pours himself a glass.. After drinking this he’s well on the way, so he has another and eventually staggers out of the farmhouse with the bottle under his wing and off to the chookhouse and proceeds to pluck all the hens.
When the farmer gets back he goes to the chookyard and finds a total disaster area. There are feathers all over the place, and all the hens are totally plucked, lying on their backs, feet in the air, dead as doornails!
‘That’s it’ he decides. ‘I’ve had enough of this horny drunken rooster’. So he grabs the rooster and cuts his crest off. For the next couple of weeks the rooster mopes around the farmyard totally dejected, holding his head, looking about as crestfallen as a crestless rooster can look.
After a while the farmer starts to feel sorry for the rooster and decides he’ll try to do something to cheer him up. He’s going to his sister’s wedding at the weekend so he takes the rooster with him, thinking they’ll have a good time at the reception and this will cheer the rooster up.
When they get to the reception, the ladies and gents have to enter through different doors to go to the ladies and gents cloakrooms respectively, ladies to the left, gents to the right. There is a piano in between the doors so the farmer sits the rooster on the piano and asks him to tell the guests which door to go through.
The rooster is doing just fine ‘ladies to the left, gents to the right’. About this stage a waiter comes past with a tray of drinks and the rooster grabs himself a brandy and then sits happily on the piano drinking his brandy and telling the guests ‘ladies to the left, gents to the right’. As the brandy begins to take effect the rooster begins to become a little more flamboyant strutting back and forth on the piano, swinging his wing across his chest and bowing and then gesticulating with the outstretched wing as he says ‘ladies to the left, gents to the right”.
However, everything goes okay until the farmers uncle, who has no hair, walks in with his wife. Whereupon the rooster calls out ‘ladies to the left, gents to the right. And you ya baldheaded chicken fucker, up on the piano here with me!’
Maybe this belongs in the Jokes thread. It is an old story from years ago and the topic reminded me of it.
Once upon a time there was a farmer who had a very randy rooster. The rooster wasn’t so bad when he was sober but in the cold evenings the farmer often had a brandy before he went to bed and would also give the rooster a cup. The only trouble was that the rooster would then charge off to the chookhouse, full of brandied libido and screw the hens half to death. The farmer was getting a bit worried about this because in the morning he’d go to the chookhouse and find feathers all over the place and all his hens looking totally plucked. So he told the rooster that he’s going to have to lay off the booze for a while because otherwise the hens are going to be plucked to death. For a few weeks he doesn’t give the rooster any brandy and all is okay.
Eventually the farmer has to go away for a week so he tells the rooster that while he’s away there’s to be no brandy because if he gets back and finds any of his hens plucked to death he’s going to cut the roosters crest off. This is the worst fate to befall a rooster, to be crestless, so the rooster is appropriately chastised. So the farmer goes away.
After a couple of nights the rooster is sitting on the verandah rail of the farmhouse when he notices a bottle of brandy sitting on the table inside and that the window is slightly ajar. Well the rooster is sorely tempted, and even though he takes himself all the way to the other side of the farmyard, he can’t get the sight of this brandy out of his mind. Eventually he thinks to himself ‘just a sip will be okay’. So he goes back to the farmhouse, gets in through the window and has a sip of brandy. This goes down really well and he gets a taste for it. So he thinks “just my usual one glass will be alright” and pours himself a glass.. After drinking this he’s well on the way, so he has another and eventually staggers out of the farmhouse with the bottle under his wing and off to the chookhouse and proceeds to pluck all the hens.
When the farmer gets back he goes to the chookyard and finds a total disaster area. There are feathers all over the place, and all the hens are totally plucked, lying on their backs, feet in the air, dead as doornails!
‘That’s it’ he decides. ‘I’ve had enough of this horny drunken rooster’. So he grabs the rooster and cuts his crest off. For the next couple of weeks the rooster mopes around the farmyard totally dejected, holding his head, looking about as crestfallen as a crestless rooster can look.
After a while the farmer starts to feel sorry for the rooster and decides he’ll try to do something to cheer him up. He’s going to his sister’s wedding at the weekend so he takes the rooster with him, thinking they’ll have a good time at the reception and this will cheer the rooster up.
When they get to the reception, the ladies and gents have to enter through different doors to go to the ladies and gents cloakrooms respectively, ladies to the left, gents to the right. There is a piano in between the doors so the farmer sits the rooster on the piano and asks him to tell the guests which door to go through.
The rooster is doing just fine ‘ladies to the left, gents to the right’. About this stage a waiter comes past with a tray of drinks and the rooster grabs himself a brandy and then sits happily on the piano drinking his brandy and telling the guests ‘ladies to the left, gents to the right’. As the brandy begins to take effect the rooster begins to become a little more flamboyant strutting back and forth on the piano, swinging his wing across his chest and bowing and then gesticulating with the outstretched wing as he says ‘ladies to the left, gents to the right”.
However, everything goes okay until the farmers uncle, who has no hair, walks in with his wife. Whereupon the rooster calls out ‘ladies to the left, gents to the right. And you ya baldheaded chicken fucker, up on the piano here with me!’
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