Jokes Thread

[dutch12]

Re: Jokes Thread

Marc faber a bear?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LY73H...layer_embedded

[LargoWinch]

Re: Jokes Thread

Obama Saves The World With Rainbow-Powered Unicorns!

[dutch12]

Really Funny!

http://www.just-a-regular-guy.com/20...ht-live-style/

[thunderdownunder]

Re: Really Funny!

Perceptions from a screen jockey
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_RHwzqq5yGy...nkfein+Top.jpg
Nice likeness - with well formed head and shoulders

[kriden]

Re: Jokes Thread

Saw this for the first time today so if it was posted previously, please delete.

UNDERSTANDING DERIVATIVES IN LAYMAN TERMS

An Easily Understandable Explanation of Derivative Markets.

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit. She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar. To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed in a ledger.

Word gets around about Heidi's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Detroit.

By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Heidi's gross sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic Vice President at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets, and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These Securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets. Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses.

One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar. He so informs Heidi.

Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations, she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and the eleven employees lose their jobs.

Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms' pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with not only having to write off her bad debt but also with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations, and her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.

Fortunately, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion dollar, no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies in Government. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Heidi's bar.

[jk]

Re: Jokes Thread

Saw this for the first time today so if it was posted previously, please delete.

UNDERSTANDING DERIVATIVES IN LAYMAN TERMS

An Easily Understandable Explanation of Derivative Markets.

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit. She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar. To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed in a ledger.

Word gets around about Heidi's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Detroit.

By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Heidi's gross sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic Vice President at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets, and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These Securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets. Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses.

One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar. He so informs Heidi.

Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations, she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and the eleven employees lose their jobs.

Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms' pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with not only having to write off her bad debt but also with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations, and her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.

Fortunately, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion dollar, no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies in Government. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Heidi's bar.

i think this post is in the wrong thread.

[flintlock]

Re: Jokes Thread

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

[thunderdownunder]

Re: Jokes Thread

Well it is funny - enjoy
image001.jpg (32.0 KB), image002.jpg (43.2 KB), image003.jpg (32.0 KB), image004.jpg (29.0 KB), image005.jpg (32.8 KB), image006.jpg (21.5 KB), image007.jpg (32.0 KB), image008.jpg (64.0 KB), image009.jpg (32.0 KB), image010.jpg (64.0 KB), image011.jpg (32.0 KB), image012.jpg (32.0 KB), image013.jpg (32.0 KB), image014.jpg (64.0 KB), image015.jpg (40.1 KB), image016.jpg (64.0 KB), _AVG cert...txt (0.2 KB)

[LargoWinch]

Re: Jokes Thread

Well it is funny - enjoy
image001.jpg (32.0 KB), image002.jpg (43.2 KB), image003.jpg (32.0 KB), image004.jpg (29.0 KB), image005.jpg (32.8 KB), image006.jpg (21.5 KB), image007.jpg (32.0 KB), image008.jpg (64.0 KB), image009.jpg (32.0 KB), image010.jpg (64.0 KB), image011.jpg (32.0 KB), image012.jpg (32.0 KB), image013.jpg (32.0 KB), image014.jpg (64.0 KB), image015.jpg (40.1 KB), image016.jpg (64.0 KB), _AVG cert...txt (0.2 KB)

.


Hmmm, not really working...

[Anon21456]

Re: Jokes Thread

That was the joke.
I guess.

[nitroglycol]

Re: Jokes Thread

http://newsarse.com/2010/06/02/israe...hing-actually/

[jiimbergin]

Re: Jokes Thread

http://newsarse.com/2010/06/02/israe...hing-actually/

I know that was a spoof, but quite frankly I do not think that is funny.

[nitroglycol]

Re: Jokes Thread

I know that was a spoof, but quite frankly I do not think that is funny.

By "do not think that is funny", do you simply mean it failed to amuse you, or that you actually found it offensive? If so, I'm curious as to why.

[jk]

Re: Jokes Thread

By "do not think that is funny", do you simply mean it failed to amuse you, or that you actually found it offensive? If so, I'm curious as to why.

i assumed he was joking

[LargoWinch]

Re: Jokes Thread

The 16 Stages of Job Loss

Disbelief
Intoxication
Acceptance
Optimism
Compulsive Resume Writing
Optimism
Daytime Television
Resume Revision
Optimism
Disbelief
Intoxication
Desperate Resume Revision
Weight Gain
Facial Hair
Cartoons
Blogging