Jokes Thread

[cjppjc]

Re: Jokes Thread

Note to self, "Get pop up business card".

I bet Lenny Dykstra has some. He just stiffed the printer, and is being sued.:eek:

[bart]

Re: Jokes Thread

Deteriorata



Go placidly
Amid the noise and waste.
And remember what comfort there may be
In owning a piece thereof.

Avoid quiet and passive persons
Unless you are in need of sleep.

Ro-tate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself
And heed well their advice,
Even though they be turkeys.

Know what to kiss.....and when!

Consider that two wrongs never make a right
But that THREE.........do.

Wherever possible, put people on hold.

Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer main-te-nance.

Chorus

You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Remember the Pueblo.

Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mu-ti-late.

Know yourself.
If you need help, call the FBI.

Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you.
That lemon on your left, for instance.

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.

Fall not in love therefore;
It will stick to your face.

Gracefully surrender the things of youth:
The birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan
And let not the sands of time
Get in your lunch.

Hire people with hooks.

For a good time call 606-4311;
Ask for "Ken."

Take heart amid the deepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.

And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

Therefore, make peace with your god
Whatever you conceive him to be---
Hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises and urban renewal
The world continues to deteriorate.

[ggirod]

Re: Jokes Thread

What a delight that is. It dates back 37 years to 1972!

“Deteriorato” by the Lemmings cast of National Lampoon Radio is an excellent satire of Les Crane's (a talk show host) recording of Desiderata.

[media][/media]

[Digidiver]

Re: Jokes Thread

[metalman]

Re: Jokes Thread

you and art... on the same wavelength...

[Digidiver]

Re: Jokes Thread

Whoops... missed that before... Oh well, it gets an encore!!!

[LargoWinch]

Re: Jokes Thread

Where Credit is Due: A recap of how North Americans kept up with reduced real income until...

Followed by Mr. Market:

[we_are_toast]

Re: Jokes Thread

Cheap entertainment for iTulipers who won't go out and watch real fireworks because they're afraid they might miss some economic news.

WARNING: might be offensive to nationalistic Brits who hold 233 year grudges.

http://doody36.home.comcast.net/~doody36/liberty.htm

[LargoWinch]

Re: Jokes Thread

"I will throw in a free VHS copy of Kindergarten Cop" -

Arnold Bucks. (1min.)

[raja]

Re: Jokes Thread

http://www.usdebtclock.org/

[cjppjc]

Re: Jokes Thread

http://www.usdebtclock.org/

Oh you're a barrel of laughs.

[GRG55]

Re: Jokes Thread

Time for another installment from Andy Borowitz:

McCain Attacks Washington, Republicans, Old White Men with White Hair

Most Ironic Speech to Date, Experts Say

It's been a while since Andy made an appearance here. From The Borowitz Report...

Goldman Sachs in Talks to Acquire Treasury Department

Sister Entities to Share Employees, Money

In what some on Wall Street are calling the biggest blockbuster deal in the history of the financial sector, Goldman Sachs confirmed today that it was in talks to acquire the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

According to Goldman spokesperson Jonathan Hestron, the merger between Goldman and the Treasury Department is "a good fit" because "they're in the business of printing money and so are we."

The Goldman spokesman said that the merger would create efficiencies for both entities: "We already have so many employees and so much money flowing back and forth, this would just streamline things."

Mr. Hestron said the only challenge facing Goldman in completing the merger "is trying to figure out which parts of the Treasury Dept. we don't already own."

Goldman recently celebrated record earnings by roasting a suckling pig over a bonfire of hundred-dollar bills.

Elsewhere, conspiracy theorists celebrated the 40^th anniversary of NASA faking the moon landing.

And in South Carolina, Gov. Mark Sanford gave his wife a new diamond ring, while his wife gave him an electronic ankle bracelet.

[don]

Re: Jokes Thread

WASHINGTON — Jamie Dimon, the head of JPMorgan Chase, will hold a meeting of his board here in the nation’s capital for the first time on Monday, with a special guest expected: the White House chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel.

Mr. Emanuel’s appearance would underscore the pull of Mr. Dimon, who amid the disgrace of his industry has emerged as President Obama’s favorite banker, and in turn, the envy of his Wall Street rivals. It also reflects a good return on what Mr. Dimon has labeled his company’s “seventh line of business” — government relations.

The business of better influencing Washington, begun in late 2007, was jump-started just as the financial crisis hit and the capital displaced New York as the nation’s money center. Then Mr. Obama’s election brought to power Chicago Democrats well-known to Mr. Dimon from his recent years running a bank there.

One of them is Mr. Emanuel, who has accepted the invitation to speak to the board pending a review by the White House counsel. The Treasury secretary, Timothy F. Geithner, declined out of concern that he would be seen as too cozy with a company that has numerous business issues before the department.

:eek::eek::p:eek:

Jokes-On-Us...Now a Franchise! Call us for the exciting details....

[LargoWinch]

Re: Jokes Thread

AIG and Market Risk :rolleyes: (28 sec.)

[LargoWinch]

Re: Jokes Thread

The future of Western Governments? (2min.)

White House - A funny movie is a click away