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  • Re: Jokes Thread

    Since I just got this by email, many of you may have also!
    jim
    An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site.
    The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
    He says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'
    To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.'
    And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'
    He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.'
    So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.
    He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'
    The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'
    Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'
    The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither.'
    The foreman is really angry now.. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent��������………………���.







    Just then then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, 'SUPPLIES!!!!

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    • Re: Jokes Thread

      Originally posted by jiimbergin View Post
      Just then then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, 'SUPPLIES!!!!
      This is right up there with Bart's pun-jokes further up in this thread. Yeesh. Punch lines peeled off the asphalt like banana peels. :rolleyes:

      [ sometimes I worry that Bart never grew up. A brilliant mind - trapped in the psyche of a perennial early adolescent. ]

      Originally posted by bart View Post
      And the worst of the bunch:

      These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the "men of God", the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.

      They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.

      Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop.

      Terrified, they did so - thereby proving -

      Are you ready for this?!

      ... that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. :rolleyes:
      Last edited by Contemptuous; May 26, 2009, 06:36 PM.

      Comment


      • Re: Jokes Thread

        Originally posted by Lukester View Post
        This is right up there with Bart's pun-jokes further up in this thread. Yeesh. Punch lines peeled off the asphalt like banana peels. :rolleyes:

        Just for that:


        The other side of Dumb Blonde jokes - Dumb Men Jokes

        1. What is the thinnest book in the world?
        What Men Know About Women
        2. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
        One ... men will screw anything
        3. How does a man take a bubble bath?
        He eats beans for dinner
        4. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
        Because they don't have balls to scratch
        5. What is a man's idea of foreplay?
        A half hour of begging
        6. How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
        He's breathing
        7. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
        Bonds mature
        8. How do you save a man from drowning?
        Take your foot off his head.
        9. What do men and beer bottles have in common?
        They are both empty from the neck up
        10. How can you tell if a man is happy?
        Who cares??
        11. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
        We don't know ... It's never been done
        12. How are men and parking spots alike?
        The good ones are always taken and the ones that are
        left are handicapped.
        13. What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
        Lifting his legs so you can vacuum
        14. What's the difference between a man and ET?
        ET phoned home
        15. What does a man consider a seven course meal?
        A hot dog and a six pack of beer


        ;)
        http://www.NowAndTheFuture.com

        Comment


        • miss george bush



          only in america can you elect such a man twice and expect your nation to survive it.

          Comment


          • Re: Jokes Thread

            "Next time, you watch where the f234k you are treading in the living room, OK!!? You want to mess with me? Go ahead big guy, give it your best shot!"


            This is MY couch!! You understand me?? My COUCH!!!



            Embarassing private snapshot.

            "Who, me? You want to talk to me?"

            Last edited by Contemptuous; May 31, 2009, 05:20 PM.

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            • hugs!

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              • Re: Jokes Thread

                Ha ha. That was sweet. Thanks.

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                • Re: Jokes Thread

                  IN A VACUUM

                  A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night...

                  It was her turn.

                  She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.

                  Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
                  can you hear it?'

                  She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

                  Comment


                  • Re: Jokes Thread

                    Doesn't get any better than this lol

                    http://www.reuters.com/article/gover...38720120090609

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                    • Re: Jokes Thread

                      Originally posted by RickBishop View Post
                      Doesn't get any better than this lol

                      http://www.reuters.com/article/gover...38720120090609
                      you got this posted on the right thread, alright.

                      Comment


                      • Re: Jokes Thread

                        Change.

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                        • Re: Jokes Thread

                          Batman.

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                          • Re: Jokes Thread

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                            • Re: Jokes Thread

                              Your Business Card looks like CRAP? It IS CRAP!

                              ...what do you do guaranteed?

                              (I cannot stop laughing at this one )


                              HD is oh so recommended! (2min.)

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                              • Re: Jokes Thread

                                Note to self, "Get pop up business card".

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