Jokes Thread

[xela]

Re: Jokes Thread

One afternoon an investment banker was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the banker said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the banker replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!
"Bring them all, as well," the banker answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the banker and said, "Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The banker replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."

[bart]

Re: Jokes Thread

Top 11 Geek Defenses for Swine Flu

11. Don't panic!
10. Stock up on ammo for the coming swine flu zombie apocalypse
9. Switch from Ham radio to FM
8. Increase caffeine intake so blood becomes poisonous to virus
7. Start wearing condom when humping pigs
6. Don't leave basement
5. Add cleric to party
4. Transfer consciousness to android body immune to human disease
3. Update virus profiles
2. Reencode DNA for immunity
1. Dose self with gamma radiation in hopes of developing mutant healing abilities

[LargoWinch]

Re: Jokes Thread

...#12:

[Guest]

Re: Jokes Thread

C'est une thèse très intéressante que vous avez là Largo Winch. Si seulement je pourrais la voir ! Mystérieux et exotique. Juste comme "l'homme de danger" - Largo Winch lui-même.

...#12:

[LargoWinch]

Re: Jokes Thread

C'est une thèse très intéressante que vous avez là Largo Winch. Si seulement je pourrais la voir ! Mystérieux et exotique. Juste comme "l'homme de danger" - Largo Winch lui-même.

Lol Luke... I just realized "#12" did not work. Unfortunately the precious image is at the office :eek:, but I will retry tomorrow...

Meanwhile here is the best I can do on short notice:

[Guest]

Re: Jokes Thread

Well, it's not bad, for a stop-gap substitute, I guess.

[Guest]

Re: Jokes Thread

Digidiver -

Got to admit - this is just about the funniest post on this entire thread. I have forwarded it to several friends around the world. Hilarious.

Thank you for helping us to crack up laughing, while the world thought we were all ten minutes away from dying. That is (of course) priceless.

[don]

Re: Jokes Thread

A quick study:

http://www.newsday.com/media/flash/2009-04/46217527.swf

[metalman]

Re: Jokes Thread

future of day labor in amerika!

[lakedaemonian]

Re: Jokes Thread

John, Paul, and Peter ended up stranded on an island somewhere in the Pacific after they got shipwrecked by a storm. Moving inland with the hopes of finding civilization they encountered the natives of the island who to their surprise, were solely comprised of men. There was not a single woman to be found.
The natives quickly tied them up and bought them to their chief at spear point. Turning to John, the chief simply asked one question, “Death or Bongo-Bongo?”
“I don’t know what Bongo-bongo is but its really not much of a choice. I guess its Bongo-bongo for me,” John replied.
The natives and their chief took John, leaving the other two inside a small hut to hear the frenzied screams of their friend and companion while the natives had their way with him for several days and nights.
Then came Paul’s turn. Again the chief asked him the same question, “Death or Bongo-bongo?”
With tears running down his dirt-stained cheeks, he whispered, “Bongo-bongo.” A couple of natives slowly dragged Paul outside the hut and the screams began anew a short while after.
Days later, Peter finally found himself kneeling before the chief and surrounded by the same crowd as the previous occasions.
“Death or Bongo-bongo?“, came the dreaded question from the forbidding chieftain.
Mustering all his courage Peter stood up and looked the chief straight in the eye. Vividly recalling the horrible screams of his two comrades he proclaimed, “I would rather choose death than experience Bongo-bongo.”
A sudden hush came over the gathering. The chief pointed straight at him and in a voice loud as thunder said, “Death it shall be o’ man of courage. I say that you die by Bongo-bongo!”

I'm not exactly sure, but I suspect Bongo-Bongo is Pidjin for FIRE economy

[Guest]

Re: Jokes Thread

OK, might as well dust this one off and re-post it (nice re-tread, by any other name).

DA FLATION BAND - CIRCA 2 QTR 2009.jpg

[bart]

Re: Jokes Thread

[Orforded]

Re: Jokes Thread

The best example of investment banking I've seen yet:

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry Chuck, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'Whatcha ya gonna do with a dead donkey?

Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck now works for Morgan Stanley.

[metalman]

Re: Jokes Thread

[LargoWinch]

Re: Jokes Thread

Here is one with 98 million views.

And I missed it...until now. Charlie!