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  • These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website

    These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website

    __________________________________________________


    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it
    rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
    watching them die.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
    railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you
    send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and
    Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
    A: What did your last slave die of?
    __________________________________________________


    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
    Australia ? ( USA )
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
    Europe .
    Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific
    which does not
    ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday
    night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you
    get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
    _________________________________________________


    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,
    which is ...
    oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
    night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come
    naked.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
    A: You are a British politician, right?
    __________________________________________________


    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all
    year round? ( Germany )
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan
    hunter/gatherers.
    Milk is illegal.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can
    Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
    All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely
    handled and make good pets.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I
    forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA
    )
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they
    drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking
    underneath them.
    You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine
    before you go out walking.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of
    youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA
    )
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
    population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
    A: Yes, gay night clubs.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
    A: Only at Christmas.
    __________________________________________________


    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the
    Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help?
    ( USA )
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
    __________________________________________________


    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

  • #2
    Re: These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website

    One of several excellent parodies of this site. Thanks for posting.
    Ed.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website

      Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it
      rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
      A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
      watching them die.


      Thanks I always wondered about that.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website

        Originally posted by FRED View Post
        One of several excellent parodies of this site. Thanks for posting.
        Some great jokes there, but speaking English puts one at a disadvantage:

        Two drovers standing in a bar. One asked, "What are you up to?" "Ahh. I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie." "Oh yeah . . and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website

          Originally posted by Andreuccio View Post
          Some great jokes there, but speaking English puts one at a disadvantage:
          What are you blaking about?

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website

            Bloody Ozzies - who can understand'em? And we Americans know geography real good. You betcha. "Yurup", and "Afreka" and "Middle Ease" and Gondwanaland. What's the big deal if they don't got hippos in Aus ... er, Oz ... er, Aus-tri-a-lalia (??) :confused:

            Comment

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