You Can't Make This Stuff Up

[Andreuccio]

Re: You Can't Make This Stuff Up

People should stop blaming the world for their problems and take responsibilty for their own actions. How many disclaimers do we need? Do you have to have McDonalds tell you that their coffee is hot so you don't burn yourself? Accidents happen. If you run around with scissors and trip and poke your eye out, is it the scissor maker's fault?
Also, this lady didn't have a globe rupture, it sounds like she had a corneal abrasion or possibly minor traumatic iritis. Both are usually self limited problems. For her to sue is silly.

Um, not sure if it was clear or not, but I was joking. Of course we don't need more disclaimers. When I said we need more I actually meant we need less. (A literary device where you say one thing to strongly mean it's opposite. I use it often, but I can't remember what it's called.)

And I meant to imply that the lady is a tad overweight, from what one can see on the video, and perhaps that played a role in the panties underperforming.

Maybe I should have included some smiley faces. I thought suggesting I would sue the grit spewer for millions for one day of discomfort would be a giveaway that I thought the whole idea was farcical.

[Jim Nickerson]

Re: You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Um, not sure if it was clear or not, but I was joking. Of course we don't need more disclaimers. When I said we need more I actually meant we need less. (A literary device where you say one thing to strongly mean it's opposite. I use it often, but I can't remember what it's called.)

And I meant to imply that the lady is a tad overweight, from what one can see on the video, and perhaps that played a role in the panties underperforming.

Maybe I should have included some smiley faces. I thought suggesting I would sue the grit spewer for millions for one day of discomfort would be a giveaway that I thought the whole idea was farcical.

My opinion about this whole clusterfuck is the lawyer and woman should be caned for their frivolity, whoever would get turned on by a 52 y/o fat woman in any underwear sold by Victoria's Secret probably should be institutionalized, and Victoria's Secret should be sanctioned by the FTC for even selling presumably sexy underthings to fat older women.

[Andreuccio]

Re: You Can't Make This Stuff Up

My opinion about this whole clusterfuck is the lawyer and woman should be caned for their frivolity, whoever would get turned on by a 52 y/o fat woman in any underwear sold by Victoria's Secret probably should be institutionalized, and Victoria's Secret should be sanctioned by the FTC for even selling presumably sexy underthings to fat older women.

Yeah, I didn't want to get into the age thing, and I only wanted to hint at the fat thing, but you're a lot more outspoken than I am, Jim. No arguments from me on anything you said.

[Jay]

Re: You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Um, not sure if it was clear or not, but I was joking. Of course we don't need more disclaimers. When I said we need more I actually meant we need less. (A literary device where you say one thing to strongly mean it's opposite. I use it often, but I can't remember what it's called.)

And I meant to imply that the lady is a tad overweight, from what one can see on the video, and perhaps that played a role in the panties underperforming.

Maybe I should have included some smiley faces. I thought suggesting I would sue the grit spewer for millions for one day of discomfort would be a giveaway that I thought the whole idea was farcical.

Whoops, misread you there! Sorry 'bout that.
...for clarity.

[Andreuccio]

Re: You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Whoops, misread you there! Sorry 'bout that.
...for clarity.

No worries.

I suppose I'll have to start including my own disclaimer in my posts:

"The stupid thing you are about to read by Andreuccio is meant only in jest. It means the opposite of what is written. Please don't flame me unless you actually agree with what I appear to be saying."

[GRG55]

And the world's happiest country is..

Must be all those wind turbines...:rolleyes:

And the world's happiest country is..

Tue Jul 1, 2008 5:21pm EDT

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Denmark, with its democracy, social equality and peaceful atmosphere, is the happiest country in the world, researchers said on Monday.

Zimbabwe, torn by political and social strife, is the least happy, while the world's richest nation, the United States, ranks 16th.

Overall, the world is getting happier, according to the U.S. government-funded World Values Survey, done regularly by a global network of social scientists.

It found increased happiness from 1981 to 2007 in 45 of 52 countries analyzed.

"I strongly suspect that there is a strong correlation between peace and happiness," said Ronald Inglehart, a political scientist at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research, who directed the study.

And, said Ingelhart, there is a strong correlation between happiness and democracy.

"Denmark is the happiest country in the world in our ratings," Inglehart said in an audio statement released by the National Science Foundation, which paid for the analysis.

"Denmark is prosperous -- not the richest country in the world but it is prosperous."

Puerto Rico and Colombia also rank highly, along with Northern Ireland, Iceland, Switzerland, Ireland, the Netherlands, Canada and Sweden.

"Though by no means the happiest country in the world, from a global perspective the United States looks pretty good," Inglehart said. "The country is not only prosperous; it ranks relatively high in gender equality, tolerance of ethnic and social diversity and has high levels of political freedom."

The survey, first done in 1981, has kept to two simple questions:

"Taking all things together, would you say you are very happy, rather happy, not very happy, not at all happy?" And, "All things considered, how satisfied are you with your life as a whole these days?"

Writing in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science, Ingelhart's team said they have surveyed 350,000 people.

"Ultimately, the most important determinant of happiness is the extent to which people have free choice in how to live their lives," Inglehart said.
Article...

[GRG55]

It was only a matter of time...

Never underestimate the American entrepreneur.

Brothel offers customers gas rebate

Wed Jul 9, 2008 4:27pm EDT
NEW YORK (Reuters) - A Nevada brothel is trying to stimulate business by offering free gasoline.

Clients of the Shady Lady Ranch will get a $50 gas voucher if they fork out $300 -- worth about one hour's worth of services -- at the brothel in Beatty, Nevada, 130 miles northwest of Las Vegas.

Owner James Davis said he already has had to order another $1,000 set of gas vouchers because the first $1,000 were spent in one week.

"It's rocking along. We're doing quite well. June and July historically are not big months," said Davis, who is co-owner of the brothel along with his wife Bobbi, in a telephone interview.

The $50 rebate would roughly cover the cost of a round trip drive from Las Vegas to the ranch.

Davis said business at the ranch, which has been operating for 16 years, generally slows in the early summer. He said the brothel regularly offers specials to lure clients and his wife came up with the gas vouchers for this month.

U.S. gasoline prices hit a record $4.08 a gallon last week, up 38 percent from a year ago.

Brothels, illegal in most U.S. states, are legal in parts of Nevada.

[GRG55]

From Russia with Love...

And for those that were anticipating an increase in male life expectancy in Russia, this won't help the stats one bit...

Woman kills husband with folding couch

Wed Jul 9, 2008 12:17pm EDT
By Denis Pinchuk
ST PETERSBURG (Reuters) - A Russian woman in St Petersburg killed her drunk husband with a folding couch, Russian media reported on Wednesday.

St Petersburg's Channel Five said the man's wife, upset with her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up, kicked a handle after an argument, activating a mechanism that folds the couch up against a wall.

The couch, which doubles as a bed, folds up automatically in order to save space. The man fell between the mattress and the back of the couch, Channel Five quoted emergency workers as saying.

The woman then walked out of the room and returned three hours later to check on what she thought was an unusually quiet sleeping husband.
Police refused to comment.

The St Petersburg Emergency Services Ministry said a private rescue service removed the man's body.

Video on the television channel's website showed emergency workers sawing away the side panels of a couch to remove a man in his underwear lying headfirst between the cushions.

Emergency workers said the man died instantly.

[FRED]

Re: From Russia with Love...

Emergency workers said the man died instantly.

At leas' he didn't sofa and died ottoman.

[Supercilious]

Re: You Can't Make This Stuff Up

http://jeffmatthewsisnotmakingthisup...-ads-more.html

How to Fix Microsoft: More Ads! More Meetings!



Negative perceptions of Vista are one of the most pressing problems facing Mr. Ballmer. Although money rolls in as the software ships on new computers, many corporate users have been slow to adopt Vista.

—The Wall Street Journal

Anybody catch the faulty premise contained in that paragraph?

If you said to yourself, “Well, duh! It's the part where they say ‘Negative perceptions of Vista are one of the most pressing problems facing Mr. Ballmer’” you’d be right.

Perceptions are not the “pressing problem” with Vista. The pressing problem with Vista is that users hate it. And they’re fleeing in droves.

Has anybody at Microsoft—at least in that executive suite—watched a ‘Mac vs. PC’ ad? No?

Didn’t think so.

Just imagine that a single airplane maker had a monopoly manufacturing all the world’s airplanes for twenty years or so. And then they built a new plane that was hard to fly and crashed a lot. Fliers would find an alternative in a hurry.

That's what Microsoft users are doing.

Microsoft’s solution to fixing Vista? More ads! We are not making that up:

Mr. Ballmer has approved a new marketing campaign for Vista that is expected to kick in this year. Meanwhile, he is determined to avoid the delays that plagued that product in the development of Windows 7, which is expected in early 2010.

And how is Microsoft planning to make sure Windows 7 is something people might actually want to use?

More meetings! We are not making that up, either:

One safeguard: he entrusted the project to Steven Sinofsky, a senior vice president with a long history of managing big software projects. Executives said Windows 7's schedule is being managed more tightly, including frequent meetings with Mr. Ballmer and other top executives to monitor progress.

Think Dilbert, Wally and Alice sitting around a table, listening. While the pointy-haired boss talks.

Windows 7 can’t miss.


Jeff Matthews
I Am Not Making This Up

[metalman]

Re: You Can't Make This Stuff Up

http://jeffmatthewsisnotmakingthisup...-ads-more.html

microsoft = global software monopoly. soviet software. horrid. imagine word processing, spreadsheets, presentations, etc. advancing as fast as web software?

it's coming.

[c1ue]

Re: You Can't Make This Stuff Up

web software ain't all it either:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/07...ets_goes_down/

Google's Docs and Spreadsheets disappeared today for close to an hour, proving that the world's largest search engine is a long way from perfecting the art of online business applications.
Many businesses paid good money to look at this screen, which appeared - at least to people in Silicon Valley - from about 9am to 10am:
When clouds die

As a Google Apps Premiere customer, the San Francisco-based open source outfit MuleSource pays Google for the use of Docs and Spreadsheets, and it describes the experience as a game of chance. "As businesses look to move their systems and applications into cloud-based services, we expect them to work minimally as well as if we ran them ourselves," Mule Source CEO Dave Rosenberg tells us. "With Google Apps, we are at the point of taking bets to see if the services will actually be up."
Google's error message kept telling Rosenberg to "Try again in 30 seconds." Say what you will about Microsoft Office, it's never that cruel.

M* at least doesn't have this problem.

Just imagine when the newest Chinese nuclear sub runs over the trans-Pacific fiber op line, or the neighbor backhoes the utility line when putting in his DIY swimming pool.

But then again, I much preferred Quattro Pro :mad:

[Supercilious]

Re: You Can't Make This Stuff Up

I don't know how appropriate is post .... but well we should respect other cultures, it's on Yahoo News and most important you just can't make this stuff up

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080710...1211&printer=1

Long life of Indonesia's penis growing grandma ends: reports

Thu Jul 10, 8:12 AM ET

An elderly Indonesian woman famed nationwide for supernatural skills in lengthening penises has died, reports said Thursday.
Reclusive Mak Erot, famed for penis extension treatment incorporating traditional herbs and Islamic prayer, died last week in Caringin village on the western coast of Java island, the Kompas daily's website reported.
Mak Erot -- who reports aged anywhere from 101 to over 130 -- prompted legions of imitations of her famous clinics, many using her famously craggy and birthmarked face to lure in anxious men.
While her legacy has been closely guarded by male descendents intent on maintaining the purity of the treatment, Mak Erot has become a pop-culture icon in everything from advertisements to teenage romantic comedy films.
Reports of he death prompted a flurry of bemused online comments from Internet users in the world's largest Muslim-majority country.
User "Jengkol" wrote on news website Detikcom: "Oh no, I didn't have the chance to go to Mak Erot and now she's dead. I'll just have to buy a vacuum. Maybe that could be the solution to my problem."

[metalman]

Re: You Can't Make This Stuff Up

I don't know how appropriate is post .... but well we should respect other cultures, it's on Yahoo News and most important you just can't make this stuff up

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080710...1211&printer=1

"famed nationwide for supernatural skills in lengthening penises"

which superstition is more dangerous? that or...

"U.S. Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson Thursday told Congress that regulators should gain greater powers in oversight of financial market."

http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/20...nt_8525923.htm

[Andreuccio]

Re: You Can't Make This Stuff Up

A literary device where you say one thing to strongly mean it's opposite. I use it often, but I can't remember what it's called.

I looked it up. It's called, simply enough, "Verbal Irony".

Verbal irony: Where the meaning of a specific expression is, or is intended to be, the exact opposite of what the words literally mean. (Sarcasm is a tone of voice that often accompanies verbal irony, but they are not the same thing.)

(From: http://mrbraiman.home.att.net/lit.htm)