Lawyer Jokes

[DemonD]

I was just reminded of some lawyer jokes by one of EJ's recent posts about getting 3937 lawyers fired.

What's do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in concrete?
Not enough concrete?

What's the difference between a lawyer and a pile of shit on a plate?
The plate.

Where can you find a good lawyer?
In a cemetery.

How do know when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

How do you save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One's a a slimy, bottom dwelling scum sucker. The other is a fish.

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.


oh and i just remembered a ninja joke:
How many ninjas does it take to raise a shade structure?
5 - one to put it up and 4 to hide behind the posts.

[FRED]

Re: Lawyer Jokes

I was just reminded of some lawyer jokes by one of EJ's recent posts about getting 3937 lawyers fired.

What's do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in concrete?
Not enough concrete?

What's the difference between a lawyer and a pile of shit on a plate?
The plate.

Where can you find a good lawyer?
In a cemetery.

How do know when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

How do you save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One's a a slimy, bottom dwelling scum sucker. The other is a fish.

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.


oh and i just remembered a ninja joke:
How many ninjas does it take to raise a shade structure?
5 - one to put it up and 4 to hide behind the posts.

Oh, these are old. You may be offending some of our members who are lawyers, you know. In any case, my lawyer is great. It's the other guy's...

[Guest]

Rated PG - Family Joke

Politics and education

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: Im the breadwinner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Your Mom, shes the administrator of the money, so well call her the Government. Were here to take care of your needs, so well call you the people. The nanny, well consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, well call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

[Andreuccio]

Re: Rated PG - Family Joke

A defending attorney was cross-examining a coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner said, "No." The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heartbeat?" "No." "Did you check for breathing?" "No." "So when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The coroner, now tired of the browbeating, said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."