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The Parable of Hank, the Unjust Steward (With Apologies to the Gospel of Luke)
1 There was a Rich Country who had a Secretary of the Treasury, and charges were brought to the Nation's Elected Representatives that this Man was squandering the Nation's property.
2 So the Elected Representatives summoned the Secretary of the Treasury and said to Him, "What is this that We hear about You? Give Us an accounting of Your management, because You cannot be our Treasury Secretary much longer."
3 Then the Treasury Secretary said to Himself, "What will I do, now that these Elected Representatives and the People may take My position away from Me? I am not strong enough to dig, and I am almost ashamed tobeg become a Lobbyist."
4 "I have decided what to do so that, when I am dismissed from the Nation's Administration," said the Secretary of the Treasury, "any number of very large and profitable Bank Holding Companies/Former Investment Banks will welcome Me back as Chief Executive Officer with an unbelievably enormous Compensation Package."
5 So, summoning Nation’s beleaguered Banks and Financial Institutions and Other Debtors one by one, the Treasury Secretary asked the first, "How much do you need to be fully and abundantly Recapitalized?"
6 The first troubled Former Investment Bank CEO answered, "Fifty Billion Dollars." The Treasury Secretary said to the Now-Bank-Holding-Company CEO, "Take your Troubled Assets, sit down quickly, make them valued at One Hundred Fifty Billion, and give them to Me at this 'Near-Maturity' Price, and You shall be made whole."
7 Then Treasury Secretary asked another besieged Major Bank CEO, "And how much in Distressed Assets do You possess?" He replied, "Thirty-Five Billion Dollars." He said to Him, ‘Take Your Balance Sheet and make it Eighty Billion Dollars, and give them to Me at this 'Near-Maturity' Price, and You shall be made whole."
8 And the Nation and its Elected Representatives commended the dishonest Secretary of the Treasury because He had acted shrewdly and in His Own Self Interest and They gave Him 700 Billion Dollars; for the Nation and its Elected Representatives figured that since China and Russia and Other Creditor Nations were funding this Troubled Asset Relief Plan, and those which will be necessary in the future, who among them really cared? and, anyway, "Dancing With the Stars" is about to start.
1 There was a Rich Country who had a Secretary of the Treasury, and charges were brought to the Nation's Elected Representatives that this Man was squandering the Nation's property.
2 So the Elected Representatives summoned the Secretary of the Treasury and said to Him, "What is this that We hear about You? Give Us an accounting of Your management, because You cannot be our Treasury Secretary much longer."
3 Then the Treasury Secretary said to Himself, "What will I do, now that these Elected Representatives and the People may take My position away from Me? I am not strong enough to dig, and I am almost ashamed to
4 "I have decided what to do so that, when I am dismissed from the Nation's Administration," said the Secretary of the Treasury, "any number of very large and profitable Bank Holding Companies/Former Investment Banks will welcome Me back as Chief Executive Officer with an unbelievably enormous Compensation Package."
5 So, summoning Nation’s beleaguered Banks and Financial Institutions and Other Debtors one by one, the Treasury Secretary asked the first, "How much do you need to be fully and abundantly Recapitalized?"
6 The first troubled Former Investment Bank CEO answered, "Fifty Billion Dollars." The Treasury Secretary said to the Now-Bank-Holding-Company CEO, "Take your Troubled Assets, sit down quickly, make them valued at One Hundred Fifty Billion, and give them to Me at this 'Near-Maturity' Price, and You shall be made whole."
7 Then Treasury Secretary asked another besieged Major Bank CEO, "And how much in Distressed Assets do You possess?" He replied, "Thirty-Five Billion Dollars." He said to Him, ‘Take Your Balance Sheet and make it Eighty Billion Dollars, and give them to Me at this 'Near-Maturity' Price, and You shall be made whole."
8 And the Nation and its Elected Representatives commended the dishonest Secretary of the Treasury because He had acted shrewdly and in His Own Self Interest and They gave Him 700 Billion Dollars; for the Nation and its Elected Representatives figured that since China and Russia and Other Creditor Nations were funding this Troubled Asset Relief Plan, and those which will be necessary in the future, who among them really cared? and, anyway, "Dancing With the Stars" is about to start.