That's not what the Goldman Sachs fund manager said on the call this AM. He said the hundreds of billions in private equity deals that stopped dead in their tracks and got stuck on the balance sheets of deal underwriters when the market for collateralized loan obligations (CLO) ground to a halt last week were a "rat swallowed by a snake." Another manager said the "deal machinery has ground to a halt." There were lots of mixed metaphors, none quite on the mark, so to speak.
The one that rings true was not used, first popularized by Hunter S. Thompson in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," who February 2005 blew his brains out with a revolver and had his remains fired out of a cannon in the desert at a funeral attended by a few dozen of his closest friends.
The hog is in the tunnel when deals that were flying through The System for years at the rate of over 1,000 in 2006 alone... suddenly stopped. They did not slow.
The rat analogy doesn't work. A rat eating snake eats rats on purpose. The snake digests the rat, eventually. The only part of the analogy that works is what comes out at the end.
The call was an all-star lineup, including Former member of Fed Board of Governors Laurence H. Meyer waxing optimistic on the economy and the outcome of the current crisis compared to the bad craziness that happened in 1998 under his watch.
It was all very comforting, unless you happened to be one of the clients on the call with money in the hedge fund that also made the news this morning. In Goldman's Global Alpha Falls 26% in 2007, People Say:
Goldman's largest hedge fund, managed by Mark Carhart and Raymond Iwanowsk, has dropped almost 40 percent since July 31, 2006, said the people, who declined to be named because the fund is private. The Standard & Poor's 500 Index of the biggest U.S. stocks has returned 16 percent during the same period.
"It's hard to imagine how investors can maintain confidence, because their losses have been taking place over a long period of time, starting last year," said Virginia Parker, who helps oversee about $1.8 billion at Parker Global Strategies LLC in Stamford, Connecticut. "There has been a broad range of market climates, and the fund has not demonstrated the ability to excel in any of them."
There's the reason iTulip has refused to even call these funds hedge funds, because they are not hedged. They are long. That's why we call them USIPs, for Unregulated Speculative Investment Pool–if you are long, or are long by any other name."It's hard to imagine how investors can maintain confidence, because their losses have been taking place over a long period of time, starting last year," said Virginia Parker, who helps oversee about $1.8 billion at Parker Global Strategies LLC in Stamford, Connecticut. "There has been a broad range of market climates, and the fund has not demonstrated the ability to excel in any of them."
The combination of precise formulas with highly imprecise assumptions can be used to establish, or rather to justify, practically any value one wishes . . .Calculus . . . [gives] speculation the deceptive guise of investment.”
--Benjamin Graham, 1949
Peter S. Kraus was apparently put on the call at the last minute to deal with the heavy press coverage of today's news.--Benjamin Graham, 1949
Goldman Sachs has made the announcement that everyone has been waiting for. The investment bank admitted yesterday that three of its high-profile hedge funds had off-loaded massive equity holdings following days of stock market turbulence.
Hedge funds forced into equities fire sale - The Times (August 14, 2007)
He was the only employee on the payroll and on the call who sounded genuinely nervous and apologetic about how things were turning out for investors who though they'd put money into a fund to make money, not have it ground up in a ten million horsepower cash dispose-all.Hedge funds forced into equities fire sale - The Times (August 14, 2007)
As recently as December 2006, it was all going so well.
Investment Banks Post Record 2006 Profit
December 14, 2006 (Joe Bel Bruno - AP)
Investment Banks Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns Report Record Earnings, Bonuses in 2006
Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns sent a not-so-subtle message to Wall Street on Thursday when announcing 2006 results -- the word "record" appears a combined 37 times in their earnings reports.
Surging stock and bond markets, coupled with an unprecedented level of takeover activity, has turned the big investment houses into corporate cash machines. It is also delivering stratospheric bonuses to top employees, with Goldman Sachs Group Inc. doling out a staggering $16 billion this year.
For all of fiscal 2006, Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. reported record net income of $4 billion, up 23 percent from the previous year. Bear Stearns Cos.'s profit for the year soared 40 percent to $2.1 billion. Goldman Sachs said Tuesday its full-year profit soared 70 percent to $9.4 billion, and Morgan Stanley Inc. is set to deliver strong results when it reports next Tuesday.
iTulip AntiSpin: Reading this you'd think that these investment banks had a great year generating revenues from investment banking, but you'd be wrong. For the latest reported fiscal year, Morgan Stanley, for example, generated only 16.4% of revenues from investment banking, 21.2% from asset management, 14.3% from commissions and 12.5% from "other." Where do the bulk of their revenues–35.6% to be exact–come from? "Principle Transactions" as in long-short and other hedge fund strategies.
How about the biggest winner of the bunch, Goldman Sachs, whose full-year profit soared 70 percent to $9.4 billion, which is, by the way, greater than the GDP of Honduras. Investment banking generated 14.8% of revenues, asset management 19.2%, commissions 12%. Hedge fund type investments? A whopping 54% of revenues. What does that make Goldman but a giant hedge fund?
We reported earlier this week that:
What would Hunter say?December 14, 2006 (Joe Bel Bruno - AP)
Investment Banks Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns Report Record Earnings, Bonuses in 2006
Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns sent a not-so-subtle message to Wall Street on Thursday when announcing 2006 results -- the word "record" appears a combined 37 times in their earnings reports.
Surging stock and bond markets, coupled with an unprecedented level of takeover activity, has turned the big investment houses into corporate cash machines. It is also delivering stratospheric bonuses to top employees, with Goldman Sachs Group Inc. doling out a staggering $16 billion this year.
For all of fiscal 2006, Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. reported record net income of $4 billion, up 23 percent from the previous year. Bear Stearns Cos.'s profit for the year soared 40 percent to $2.1 billion. Goldman Sachs said Tuesday its full-year profit soared 70 percent to $9.4 billion, and Morgan Stanley Inc. is set to deliver strong results when it reports next Tuesday.
iTulip AntiSpin: Reading this you'd think that these investment banks had a great year generating revenues from investment banking, but you'd be wrong. For the latest reported fiscal year, Morgan Stanley, for example, generated only 16.4% of revenues from investment banking, 21.2% from asset management, 14.3% from commissions and 12.5% from "other." Where do the bulk of their revenues–35.6% to be exact–come from? "Principle Transactions" as in long-short and other hedge fund strategies.
How about the biggest winner of the bunch, Goldman Sachs, whose full-year profit soared 70 percent to $9.4 billion, which is, by the way, greater than the GDP of Honduras. Investment banking generated 14.8% of revenues, asset management 19.2%, commissions 12%. Hedge fund type investments? A whopping 54% of revenues. What does that make Goldman but a giant hedge fund?
We reported earlier this week that:
Hank Paulson, who made $700 million at Goldman Sachs before taking over the US Treasury this year ... has reactivated a crisis team with a command centre in Washington to cope with the 'systemic risk' in a market melt-down. His worry? 8,000 unregulated hedge funds with $1.3 trillion at hand, and derivative contracts now worth $370 trillion. 'We need to be very careful here,' he said.
A well-sourced article in Washington's Weekly Standard says Mr Paulson fears a "serious crisis that would be a body-blow to the US economy".
Average house prices have fallen from $244,000 in April to $221,000 last month, with more violent corrections in Florida, Arizona, and New England. Builders have warned of a "death spiral" as they slash prices to off-load a glut of unsold homes.
"The US needs a trillion dollars a year just to stand still," says David Bloom, currency guru at HSBC. Modern financial crises have always begun on the peripheries of global economy, setting off a chain reaction. Mr Bloom says the seizure this time will be at the heart of the system as the dollar buckles, pressing down on the "aorta of capitalism".
Eight thousand unregulated speculative investment pools pose a risk of a "serious crisis that would be a body-blow to the US economy"? After running the world's biggest and most successful USIP, Paulson ought to know.A well-sourced article in Washington's Weekly Standard says Mr Paulson fears a "serious crisis that would be a body-blow to the US economy".
Average house prices have fallen from $244,000 in April to $221,000 last month, with more violent corrections in Florida, Arizona, and New England. Builders have warned of a "death spiral" as they slash prices to off-load a glut of unsold homes.
"The US needs a trillion dollars a year just to stand still," says David Bloom, currency guru at HSBC. Modern financial crises have always begun on the peripheries of global economy, setting off a chain reaction. Mr Bloom says the seizure this time will be at the heart of the system as the dollar buckles, pressing down on the "aorta of capitalism".
The hog is in the tunnel.
Full transcript of today's Goldman Sachs call with iTulip Select analysis see Goldman Sachs Client Call - Analyzing Goldman's "Interpreting the Recent Market Moves"
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